Anniversary

Oct. 17, 2010

(im a little late with this post... my bad LOL)

It's been a year since we made it official and you asked me to be your girlfriend and what a year its been. We've been through so much; much more than the average couple, at least we think so LoL. From many times of great joy and happiness, to just as many times of loss, sorrow and sadness.

We've been on many journeys, you and me; and the #1 thing that we both agree on that keeps us growing stronger and together is our spiritual journey. I firmly believe that if it wasn't for us choosing to go on that path together and taking turns emailing each other "Bible Quotes" as we like to call them; I honestly don't believe that we would've been able to get through half; if any, of the things God has placed in our path. 

As more time passes and we continue to learn more about each other and even though I'm learning how different and complete opposites we are; I've also learned that its the things that make us so different that I Love and Appreciate the most. For example; you're patient - I'm not LOL well not as much as you hahaha it depends on the topic hahaha; you're passive - I'm aggressive; I handle both the "bad" & "good" emotions and you just like to deal with the "good." =p I unintentionally push people away once I've opened up my heart to them and you continue to choose to stay =D Its harder for you to be away from those closest to you and I suppose me being a military brat has made that easier for me; you hate drama - I'm a drama queen; I'm good at handling confrontation - you don't like it so much.... I'm sure the list can go on and on...but... I believe the fact that we're both "real ass people" and that our common morales and values are what make us so magnetically connected... God, Family, School/Work, and each other....

I'm finally able to let down one of my strongest walls and let you into my Entire world; My Ohana. Losing both my biological parents, especially my Marmy, has made it difficult if not impossible to invite new people into our lives. I'm extremely protective of my family and because of that it took me a year to let you in. Not because I doubted the great man that you are... but simply because I was being overly cautious and I didn't want to let anyone into our lives that I wasn't absolutely positive was going to stay. We didn't need anymore people coming and going or feeling sorry for us; we've had enough of that already. You and my sisters know I could've went longer but I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad you finally met Dad, Zac again and my Church Family that continues to grow. I'm over excited for you to finally meet your "friend" and my other sister and one of my nephews, Makoa! I wish you could meet everyone else too like my other brother Brandon, my other neefy Kai, and the dashes Tasha and Stephen, but you'll meet them one day soon =D

So, anyway, what'd we do for our Anniversary weekend... well it didn't start off the way we'd planned...  his flight was delayed and against our better judgements he had a connecting flight that he ended up missing because of the delay. He didn't arrive into Vegas until almost midnight Friday night =/ The plan was to watch Jabbawockeez at 9:30 then hit up Serendipity Friday night... Saturday was early dinner around 5 then Zumanity at 7:30 and laser crystal after... Sunday was Church, Lunch with Dad and Zac, then chillax for the rest of the night and Monday he left early in the morning.

Well... since he didn't get in until midnight Friday night we had to shift everything over a day. Thankfully the box offices at both Monte Carlo and NYNY were gracious enough to reimburse and change the dates. =D So we got to do everything we planned and a little more. It wasn't the weekend I had envisioned but it ended up being better. I suppose God knows we can handle curve balls LOL in the end WE came out better... we had some great conversations ... laughs... cries... and bonded with my family. I cant wait till you can be around my family more and I know you cant wait either.

The greatest things I've learned so far being in this long distance relationship with you is Communication, Patience, Faith, and Trust. Although all are very difficult to keep hold of; being with you has made it easier to endure.

"Like you said we have to go through all the bad times if we can go through the happy times. Thank you for being patient with me and I know we can get through it all together.

 'Pressing Toward The Goal' I think this title means a lot to US and OUR RELATIONSHIP"

Thank you for being everything I never new I always wanted and needed. Thank you for grinding it out with me as we both go through school, work and everything life throws our way. I Appreciate You!

Happy Anniversary Marcus! I LOVE YOU

2 Years

Its been 2 years since you were taken from us and this year seems harder than the last. Perhaps its because it may not be a biased thought of; "something could have prevented this," or maybe its because of everything we've all accomplished and wanting to share all of it with you becaues it means more now and we feel like you would be more pround now than you were then.

You're missing out on so much and that's what breaks my heart the most. I know you are always around us. I know you've had a hand in Everything that's happened in my life for the past 2 years; and none of it would have been possible if it wasnt for you. I try to not harbor on everything your missing but its difficult. I'm still angry ... just as angry as I was last year... if not more! I keep thinking to myself ... Moving caused me to miss out on 3 years of You! And for WHAT? Moving is my lifes biggest regret! I wish I could tell you I'm Sorry! I know you supported me moving and you wouldn't want me walking around with this guilt but I am.


I should be focusing on what's to come and all the good things that have been brought into my life; but I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the "for what??" part! nothing good came out of me moving. Ok, ok some good things came out of it like me coaching volleyball again with Rachael and ya that's pretty much it.... you see where I'm struggling with this?!?!? =p


I'm still extremely numb to all the joy and happiness that is in my life. I'm unable to basque in those moments of happiness for fear of when they will end. I find myself holding back my heart and feelings. My faith continues to be tested and at the end of the day I realize that I need to Trust in the Lord and your greatest lesson (as Lesle so wonderfully put it) "...greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4


With that being said; Thank you for guiding me the last 2 years. Thank you for everyone and everything you've brought into my life, and taken out of it. I wish you could meet the people you've brought into my life. Like Katie, Carmen and their Families; Mek and his Family; even Shea's boyfriend Sean. You would love all of them I'm sure of it.

I miss you so much! Thank you for always being there. There's so much more I want to share but its late and getting difficult to put my thoughts into motion so for now... Good night, Thank you, I Love You and I MISS YOU

P.S. Thank you for visiting Uncle David!

Ok I'm back... and now I can think a little clearer. It's a wonder what rest can do for you LOL

As much as it feels like its more difficult this year than it was last year; the difference is, this year even with the guilt there are also more people in my life; great people that You brought into my life; to help me with everything. I know that I have a long way to go and I should probably get some therapy LoL and unlike Shea I still can't think of things you've taught me and write them down. Its more of a deja vu type of thing for me where I'll do something and later realize and say "ya I got that from mom." I suppose that's due to the fact that my mind is still trying to get past the wishing you were here and not missing out on everything; rather than remembering your legacy and everything you left behind that's within each of us. But I'll get there. I know that the future has many struggles for me but atleast now I wont feel like I have to go through them alone. The light at the end of the tunnel is a little brighter and that is thanks to you telling me constantly to hold on to my Faith and give it all up to God and believe that everything will be ok.

"Dear God, Please give me the strength to get through this. Give me also an understanding heart and give me grace so that I can also extend grace! I give it all up to you Lord." - My Mama's Prayer 

You were right mama. The words on these pages reflect the exact thing you would say to me. Thank you for leaving this behind for me. I Love You Marmy!

Rear Ended =(

On July 14, 2010 I was rear ended on the way to school =( I was stopped at a stoplight with multiple cars in front of me, when all of a sudden I got hit! A Dodge Ram F150 rammed *no pun intended =p * into a Ford Explorer which caused the Explorer to hit me!

Everyone had insurance so that's a PLUS! I ended up being injured from the accident so after the police officer released me to go I drove right down the street to the nearest UMC Quick Care ... Long story short the at fault parties insurance deemed my car totalled! So I suppose the upside is I get a new car =) hopefully a cuter one LoL

It is now Aug. 1, 2010 and yup you guessed it... I'M STILL IN PAIN!!! My entire back and neck are so strained it hurts to stand for longer than 5 minutes and it hurts to sit also! NO BUENO!!! Even worse because I'm going to Cosmetology School and have to stand for loooong periods of time with little or no breaks in between my doctor advised me that I need to take a L.O.A from school to get my back and neck stronger =( Believe me I have been tossing and turning about this for over a week and last Tuesday I finally got up the strength to do it. I'm very bothered by this! Especially since I only have 7 months left! GGRRR! This accident is SOOOO very inconvenient!!!

Then to make matters even more dreadful I found out that I am being offered LOWER than the Kelly Blue Book Value!! I understand that the insurance company doesn't go by the Kelly Blue Book value and they base their estimate on the Cash Value of the vehicle in the area it resides in! *HOGWASH I SAY* but UUGGHH it's so frustrating because I'm not really getting anything Positive out of this! My back will ALWAYS hurt and will NEVER be the same =( and being a hairstylist its tough to "take it easy." Maybe something positive will come out of this later... like my sister said maybe I'll find a "gem." I certainly hope so!

All I know is; it could've been MUCH worse and I'm grateful it wasn't and all I can do is give it all up to God. After all this is all part of his master plan. I just need to have Faith and Trust in Him. So, this is my testimony ....

I GIVE IT ALL UP TO YOU LORD! WHATEVER YOUR WILL IS; THAT IS THE WAY IT WILL BE. I MAY NOT LIKE THAT I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM SCHOOL BUT I TRUST YOU LORD AND WHATEVER CAR IS THE ONE FOR ME I WILL HAVE NO DOUBTS ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU WILL LAY IT OUT IN FRONT OF ME. AND WHATEVER REASON YOU HAVE FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS I WILL BE PATIENT AND CONTINUE TO HAVE FAITH IN YOU AND KNOW THAT IT WILL BE OK. AMEN.....

Praying

Many things has happened since I last posted. My apologies... not like I have any followers who actually read my blogs anyway aside from my sisters *who happen to be my only followers LoL* so i use that as an excuse not to make it a priority =p but I'm working on it... I swear I am...

Where to begin... some minoot things have occurred... some non important people have withered out of my life which is Wonderful for me and with no reason behind it obviously I'm doing something right LoL So hate on =D and on the flip side more WONDERFUL people have entered and remained in my life! WOOT WOOT! I've switched jobs; which in itself is a blessing... so I guess I'll start there..

I was feeling very unappreciated at my old job so instead of bitching and complaining I simply did something about it and found another job =D and I LOVE IT! i get to sit down which is AMAZING on its own LOL and its fast paced and the people are hilarious and it will definitely hold me over until the next chapter of my life will begin =D ...

I will be finished with Cosmetology School in Dec/Jan which is such an accomplishment because I truly LOVE it and apparently I'm pretty good at it considering I was offered to assist under an Amazing stylist at the Beverly Hills Hotel John Martin Salon when I'm finished with school.... but I'll go into detail about that when it isn't soooo surreal to me =p I am so very grateful; I'm beside myself. but like I said I'll have a separate blog all about that in a couple of months =D

My relationship with my Manfriend is fabulous. There honestly isn't anything bad to say.... patience is our main struggle; seeing as its a long distance relationship and all. but he is absolutely amazing and I am so lucky that he's so supportive and understanding *among other things* but I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life.

But on a sadder note... some friends of mines grandfather or "Tatay" as they call him aren't doing so well and neither is their aunt. Their Tatay has undergone many open heart surgeries and his heart valves are leaking and the percentage of him coming out of another open heart surgery isn't very likely but if he doesn't have surgery he'll be in constant pain.... and their aunt has stage 3 pancreatic cancer and her tumor is malignant. Please pray for them and their families.

Also within my own family we had to lay one of the best dogs in the world to rest today. Chili Dawg was my Brother in Laws dog. He's had Chili since before we knew him. Chili was such a wonderful dog. She was so protective of my nephew and has been a part of our family. Please pray for my family... to My EastCoastLoves I LOVE YOU and Chili you will always be remembered and never forgotten. I wish I could be there with my family this really blows that money is the issue! oh and work =p EFF!! I LOVE YOU OHANA!!

He Knows....

Although I've been hurt, I choose to smile.

Although I've been lied to, I remain honest.

Although the pain cuts me so deep, I know the sun will shine in the morning because I know where I'm going......

They say the Lord only gives you as much as you can handle, and if this is what I have to go through to see brighter days then Dear Lord keep it coming, although it's not exactly what I expected.

Joel 2:25

A Blog by Pastor Joel Osteen
"He Always Gives Another Chance"
Everyone has missed opportunities in life. We can all look back and think, "Why didn't I put more effort into that relationship? Why didn't I take that job?" Or, "Why did I spend all those years running with the wrong crowd, partying, when I should have been getting ahead?" Maybe you feel like you've really missed something, but be encouraged today because God always has another season. He always gives us another chance.
It reminds me of a movie I saw a while back, "The Preacher's Kid." It's a modern day spin on the story of the prodigal. I read that it comes out on DVD soon, and what I love about this movie is that it shows that we serve a God who always gives us another chance.
It doesn't matter how you were raised or what circumstances you find yourself in, God says in Joel 2:25, "I will restore the years that have been stolen." That means God can make up years of your life. He can turn back time. You may not be able to relive your childhood, but He can make the rest of your life so rewarding and so fulfilling that it makes up for anything you may have lost.
You may feel like you've wasted years in a relationship that didn't work out, or years on a job that turned out to be a dead end, but be encouraged today because God is a restorer. Take a step of faith and believe that for every opportunity you've missed, every chance you've blown, God will make up the difference. No matter how many mistakes you've made, He's standing there with open arms ready to receive you and restore you and set you on the good path He has prepared for you!

OH BLESS HIM.... Ya Fakin PATHETICALLY HOPELESS LOST SOUL

I really hate that I had to ask my friends and family this! but considering I havent responded to ANY of his feeble attempts since July 11, 2009 he still hasn't gotten the hint. So, since that hasn't made a difference I figured letting my family know the situation couldnt hurt either.

Lord please help him move on and leave me and everyone that knows me alone. He isnt right and he needs help; no other help will do except coming from you. so please Lord Jesus help this poor soul. He needs you! just like I do =D

but FOR REAL LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE RYAN MERRITT!! FAK CATCH A CLUE YOU CRAZY SELFISH LUNATIC!!! You should pray REAL hard that my family doesnt know the entire truth of your "episodes" I've extended you as much Grace as I can and honestly I'm sick of it!!! I really wish you would get a life and leave mine alone!!!! go torture someone else!!! You are DEAD TO ME! kthxbye *sorry I have been thinking this for a VERY long time and never let it out but I'm done now =p hahahhaha*

Like my older brother asked, "can we laugh about this now?" LOL yes bradur we most definately can =D



Dear Friends and Family,

 I've tried to not have it come to this and I've continued to turn the other cheek and ignore his feeble childish ways. I wish I didnt have to ask this of you all. I've prayed and prayed that he would move on, grow up and find his own way; but unfortunately that isnt what's happening.

Without going into too much detail of the events that have occured since I broke up with Ryan and the last time I've spoken to him last July; I have a favor to ask of all of you. He is trying to contact me through people I know on facebook by sending them messages. Some have been threatening and alarming toward me and whomever else he is contacting. I have previously asked those that are closest to me that have let me know this has occured to NOT let me know because I didnt care to hear about it; he has been out of my life and that's the way its going to stay. Even though I dont believe he would do anything he's threatening to do; you never know and with the more recent messages and the inability of his family intervening I'm afraid the failed attempts and messages will cease to stop.

I, as well as a few others have already blocked him but he's finding more and more people to try to stay connected with. So, I ask that if you receive any messages threatening or non Please DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS MESSAGE and just Report his facebook account as well as blocking him. Responding will only give him the attention he is looking for. I realize that its a hassle and I apologize; but just blocking him isnt working he's continued to find more people to write. His Facebook account is under his name RYAN MERRITT and there are unfortunately a BUNCH of Ryan Merritt's on FB but just go off of the profile pic from the message.


Again I apologize for the inconvenience but I appreciate the understanding. God willing its been 9 months already and in his mind NOTHING has changed and I wish him the best but I also wish he would leave me and everyone who knows me; the hell alone!!!


Thanks guys Love you bunches!! and Thank you again for your understanding and cooperation.


Oh and ps please email me a copy of the message you recieve; I need it for the "collection" ... JUST IN CASE I NEED to take acton

Rings of Time

Something ironic and Crazy has me questioning why and for what purpose....

Several weeks ago my families house was burglarized and minoot items were stolen. Which in my family, we're not too materialistic and tend to think more on the optimistic side ... "well time to upgrade" or "things can be replaced" very true. Thank goodness for insurance =)

Its the violation, invasion and centimental items that were taken that puts a whole in our hearts more than anything. They took some of my moms jewelry including her wedding ring =( among other things. However the ironic thing about this is shortly after my Dad died; my grandparents house was burglarized also and my dad's wedding right was stolen as well.... CRAAAZY RIIIGGHHTT??!!??!! The Irony! Not sure what it means but its definately a question that only God has the answer to. 

Hump Day =(

Wednesday... oi ya wekae! When i moved back to Las Vegas from Maui on Thanksgiving of 2008 i sold pretty much EVERYTHING i owned including my 04 Honda Civic and moved with 2 suitcases =) Well i decided to sell my car for what i owed for a couple of reasons; 1) my ex f@%ked it up and 2) my dad said he'd help me get another car when i moved back.

well we looked at 1 Saturn togther and then he decided to give me his Lumina LTZ  and gave me a check for what he was gonna spend on buying me a car and my initial reaction was ok cool .... ill jus get a pretty car later LoL and as time went by i began to realize that eventhough i am SO VERY GRATEFUL and everytime i saw a Honda Civic like mine i got Real bummed thinking to myself "I hella downgraded" LOL Pathetic i know but its the truth.

well this past weekend my dad and i came to an agreement that he would sign the car over to me and take me off his insurance. So the DMV is where i was headed. I tried on Tuesday but the line was out the entry door *normal for the dmv* but it was WINDY and COLD and i dont do Either of those LoL so i bailed and said i'd try again tomorrow *wednesday ... I made it to the DMV on Wednesday around 9am and it wasnt windy =) YAY

i ended up being there for 5 hours! and come to find out i couldnt register the car because my dad and i pulled a podagee move and he signed on the "buyer" line and i signed on the "seller" line =/ Freakin A! LOL so i decided to take a new picture for my drivers license just so i wouldnt have been there for completely NOTHING. LOL =D

So around 2pm i headed to school. Took a mens haircut and it was extemely slow after that. and i was soooo tired and sleepy so at 5pm when we get our 15 min break i decided to chill in the quiet of my car and take a quick nap. That rejuvenated me to last the next couple of hours. When i decided to leave around 7 ish i started packing up my things and realized i lost my keys =( AAAHHHH!!

Yup you guessed it i Locked my keys in my car!! Mother Fucker! with no spare and its 7pm after hours! Son of a Bia! So $124 dollars and an Hour & a half later i had my keys in hand was able to head home! EFF!! i was sooooo mad at myself! this entire time with this car and never has that happened.

needless to say It wasnt thee greatest day and the other students and i were joking like "bad omen" perhaps?? 1st our house was robbed a few weeks ago, then the DMV Fiasco for nothing, then i lock my keys in my car GRRREEEAAATT!! hopefully thats it! LoL

oh and dad sees my Facebook status of "bad omen perhaps" and takes it soooo seriously and tells me "thats the devil trying to get the best of you, this is a good thing thats happening to you..." blah blah blah and im trynna run put the door to get to class. I felt like saying OH EMM GEEE dont take it so seriously dad geez can i vent damn! the devils in me dad what do you want hahaahaha joking. but for real! so serious LoL

anyway needless to say ill be making another trip to the dmv this week =( hopefully it will go smoothly and fast ... stay tuned =)

I'm in Love with MINI COOPER!

Oh Mini Cooper! Come to me! I WILL HAVE ONE .... THE EXACT ONE I WANT.... CUSTOMIZED .... maybe even custom paint =p

The hotel I work at is hosting the Sin City Mini Cooper Club and directly in front of the front desk and in my lobby there sits a gorgeous mini just staring at me... calling my name! FAK

My preference would be a hard top... originally but this convertable staring at me has got me on the fence about that =p I CANNOT begin to describe how much I want one of these babies!!! I've wanted a Mini for as long as I can remember!!

OMG!!

I WILL HAVE ONE! IT WILL BE GREAT, IT WILL KICK ASS, AND IT WILL BE MINE!!!!

Dear MINI GODS,

Hear my plea! Please reward me with a beauty such as thee! I promise to take care of it & Love it and cherish it =) OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! I've never begged for anything nor have I ever wanted anything SOOOO BADLY! 

SEE!!! MINI'S ARE COMPLETELY *&* UNDENIABLY FOR ME!

*in the words of "My Cousin Vinny"..... "I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE IT TO ME"

KTHXBYE! =D

SHEESTERS!!

Last night was a Great night! My SHEESTERS & I were reunited! I love these ladies from my college days!! My down ass chick Ena Lee and her man drove in from Long Beach and Marivic flew in last night too!! Even though Melsi, Arlyn and I all live here in Vegas our lives and schedules are so hectic that we're lucky to see each other once or twice a month =/ but that's ok because it was so rewarding to be reminded what true, genuine friends these ladies are. Its like we've never skipped a beat! and we haven't =D

Its incredible to come to that realization and to remember that we've known each other since 2002! I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am for friends like these. Aside from Geisha and my family, these ladies have and will always be with me and in my life! Thank you for reminding me how special our relationships are! I LOVE YOU ALL!

*minus a few*taken in 2002* 

Jersey Girl OH NEY!

Ok im WAY behind on my blogs... so i'm trynna catch up now... bear with me my energy levels are extremely low hahahahaha *unheard of by those who know me im sure* anyway, on Tuesday 3.23.10 I had a walk in client who wanted partial hilights and a root touch up on her grays. ok simple enough...

so i do her hilights and i go to start her touch up and i call my instructor over because i thought the color for her touch up was too dark. well it turns out i was right and whoever had her last wrote her formula down wrong and per my instructors orders and depsite my better judgement i had already pulled the color all the way through to the ends of her hair. she proceeds to say "i dont remember the application ever being this dark" ... OH NEY!

so i had to go back and give her a full head of hilights to correct the mistake. On top of that this poor lady hasnt done much with her hair EVER as far as styling goes ... when she sits in my chair she tells me i want volume on top but no layers.... OH NEY! ok well then you're going to have to tease your hair EVERYDAY if you dont want layers. She quadruple checks my confidence with layering her hair after she asks another student for her advice... which was the same as mine =D

anyway long story short i gave her long layers THEN after blowdrying it she says i wanna look like this picture... *the hair was curled* sooo i had to curl her hair after that... OH NEY ... BUT she LOVED it... WOOT WOOT Mission Accomplished

Red Velvet Cupcake

This is me... Jesseca Kalahihone Alohilani Machado *only the priviledged get to know what my name means LOL* ... and much has happened in my 25 years but for now lets stay in the present =)

I moved back to Las Vegas on Thanksgiving 2008 to help my family; helped my sister through her senior year of High School and more importantly her PROM! which i was VERY proud of if i do say so myself... here take a look and you tell me if i did good LOL

of course i wasnt the only one to help with this monumental day and EVERYONE did an AMAZING job! Especially Aunty Paressa for Hand-Making this Gorgeous "How to lose a guy in 10 days" inspired dress and I am SOOO very Thankful for each and every person who had a hand in this.

And after that was helping baby bro out with sports and starting his Freshmen Year of High School. He's gotten SO BIG and when i say big i mean GIGANTOR TALL!!! WOOT WOOT such a wonderful thing because he LOVES basketball and is Very BEASTY at playing if i do say so myself LOL

And now it was time for me to decide what I was going to do. I knew I didnt want to continue to work in the hotels ... i'd been doing that since my junior year of High School and I put off going to Cosmetology School for about 6-8 Months and finally on July 21 I enrolled myself into G Skin & Beauty Institute and havent looked back since. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!! I'm in school Tues - Friday from 9-5p and I am on the clinic floor now taking clients and trying to build my clientel. However as confident as I am there is still SOOOO MUCH to learn =D and when I work at the hotel on the weekends I CANNOT WAIT for Tuesday to get here so I can go back to my REAL Job!! This is the Latest hair color I have.. i was inspired by a Red Velvet Cupcake =D *Cute huh* LOL i thought so... Food dictates my life as you will be able to tell throughout my blog postings =p

Many "New" things have occured in the past year and a half of my life... Some horrible, unfathomable, heartbreaking, and some Joyously Wonderful, Happy, and Rediscovering. In a nut shell, I've grown more in the past year and a half than i have in the past 8 years. The current struggle right now is figuring out who i am without her; strengths, weaknesses, self confidence, believing in myself and Walking with God!

Wish me luck! and until next blog; bloggers have a good night and Dream Sweet =D