Anniversary

Oct. 17, 2010

(im a little late with this post... my bad LOL)

It's been a year since we made it official and you asked me to be your girlfriend and what a year its been. We've been through so much; much more than the average couple, at least we think so LoL. From many times of great joy and happiness, to just as many times of loss, sorrow and sadness.

We've been on many journeys, you and me; and the #1 thing that we both agree on that keeps us growing stronger and together is our spiritual journey. I firmly believe that if it wasn't for us choosing to go on that path together and taking turns emailing each other "Bible Quotes" as we like to call them; I honestly don't believe that we would've been able to get through half; if any, of the things God has placed in our path. 

As more time passes and we continue to learn more about each other and even though I'm learning how different and complete opposites we are; I've also learned that its the things that make us so different that I Love and Appreciate the most. For example; you're patient - I'm not LOL well not as much as you hahaha it depends on the topic hahaha; you're passive - I'm aggressive; I handle both the "bad" & "good" emotions and you just like to deal with the "good." =p I unintentionally push people away once I've opened up my heart to them and you continue to choose to stay =D Its harder for you to be away from those closest to you and I suppose me being a military brat has made that easier for me; you hate drama - I'm a drama queen; I'm good at handling confrontation - you don't like it so much.... I'm sure the list can go on and on...but... I believe the fact that we're both "real ass people" and that our common morales and values are what make us so magnetically connected... God, Family, School/Work, and each other....

I'm finally able to let down one of my strongest walls and let you into my Entire world; My Ohana. Losing both my biological parents, especially my Marmy, has made it difficult if not impossible to invite new people into our lives. I'm extremely protective of my family and because of that it took me a year to let you in. Not because I doubted the great man that you are... but simply because I was being overly cautious and I didn't want to let anyone into our lives that I wasn't absolutely positive was going to stay. We didn't need anymore people coming and going or feeling sorry for us; we've had enough of that already. You and my sisters know I could've went longer but I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad you finally met Dad, Zac again and my Church Family that continues to grow. I'm over excited for you to finally meet your "friend" and my other sister and one of my nephews, Makoa! I wish you could meet everyone else too like my other brother Brandon, my other neefy Kai, and the dashes Tasha and Stephen, but you'll meet them one day soon =D

So, anyway, what'd we do for our Anniversary weekend... well it didn't start off the way we'd planned...  his flight was delayed and against our better judgements he had a connecting flight that he ended up missing because of the delay. He didn't arrive into Vegas until almost midnight Friday night =/ The plan was to watch Jabbawockeez at 9:30 then hit up Serendipity Friday night... Saturday was early dinner around 5 then Zumanity at 7:30 and laser crystal after... Sunday was Church, Lunch with Dad and Zac, then chillax for the rest of the night and Monday he left early in the morning.

Well... since he didn't get in until midnight Friday night we had to shift everything over a day. Thankfully the box offices at both Monte Carlo and NYNY were gracious enough to reimburse and change the dates. =D So we got to do everything we planned and a little more. It wasn't the weekend I had envisioned but it ended up being better. I suppose God knows we can handle curve balls LOL in the end WE came out better... we had some great conversations ... laughs... cries... and bonded with my family. I cant wait till you can be around my family more and I know you cant wait either.

The greatest things I've learned so far being in this long distance relationship with you is Communication, Patience, Faith, and Trust. Although all are very difficult to keep hold of; being with you has made it easier to endure.

"Like you said we have to go through all the bad times if we can go through the happy times. Thank you for being patient with me and I know we can get through it all together.

 'Pressing Toward The Goal' I think this title means a lot to US and OUR RELATIONSHIP"

Thank you for being everything I never new I always wanted and needed. Thank you for grinding it out with me as we both go through school, work and everything life throws our way. I Appreciate You!

Happy Anniversary Marcus! I LOVE YOU

2 Years

Its been 2 years since you were taken from us and this year seems harder than the last. Perhaps its because it may not be a biased thought of; "something could have prevented this," or maybe its because of everything we've all accomplished and wanting to share all of it with you becaues it means more now and we feel like you would be more pround now than you were then.

You're missing out on so much and that's what breaks my heart the most. I know you are always around us. I know you've had a hand in Everything that's happened in my life for the past 2 years; and none of it would have been possible if it wasnt for you. I try to not harbor on everything your missing but its difficult. I'm still angry ... just as angry as I was last year... if not more! I keep thinking to myself ... Moving caused me to miss out on 3 years of You! And for WHAT? Moving is my lifes biggest regret! I wish I could tell you I'm Sorry! I know you supported me moving and you wouldn't want me walking around with this guilt but I am.


I should be focusing on what's to come and all the good things that have been brought into my life; but I'm struggling. I'm struggling with the "for what??" part! nothing good came out of me moving. Ok, ok some good things came out of it like me coaching volleyball again with Rachael and ya that's pretty much it.... you see where I'm struggling with this?!?!? =p


I'm still extremely numb to all the joy and happiness that is in my life. I'm unable to basque in those moments of happiness for fear of when they will end. I find myself holding back my heart and feelings. My faith continues to be tested and at the end of the day I realize that I need to Trust in the Lord and your greatest lesson (as Lesle so wonderfully put it) "...greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4


With that being said; Thank you for guiding me the last 2 years. Thank you for everyone and everything you've brought into my life, and taken out of it. I wish you could meet the people you've brought into my life. Like Katie, Carmen and their Families; Mek and his Family; even Shea's boyfriend Sean. You would love all of them I'm sure of it.

I miss you so much! Thank you for always being there. There's so much more I want to share but its late and getting difficult to put my thoughts into motion so for now... Good night, Thank you, I Love You and I MISS YOU

P.S. Thank you for visiting Uncle David!

Ok I'm back... and now I can think a little clearer. It's a wonder what rest can do for you LOL

As much as it feels like its more difficult this year than it was last year; the difference is, this year even with the guilt there are also more people in my life; great people that You brought into my life; to help me with everything. I know that I have a long way to go and I should probably get some therapy LoL and unlike Shea I still can't think of things you've taught me and write them down. Its more of a deja vu type of thing for me where I'll do something and later realize and say "ya I got that from mom." I suppose that's due to the fact that my mind is still trying to get past the wishing you were here and not missing out on everything; rather than remembering your legacy and everything you left behind that's within each of us. But I'll get there. I know that the future has many struggles for me but atleast now I wont feel like I have to go through them alone. The light at the end of the tunnel is a little brighter and that is thanks to you telling me constantly to hold on to my Faith and give it all up to God and believe that everything will be ok.

"Dear God, Please give me the strength to get through this. Give me also an understanding heart and give me grace so that I can also extend grace! I give it all up to you Lord." - My Mama's Prayer 

You were right mama. The words on these pages reflect the exact thing you would say to me. Thank you for leaving this behind for me. I Love You Marmy!

Rear Ended =(

On July 14, 2010 I was rear ended on the way to school =( I was stopped at a stoplight with multiple cars in front of me, when all of a sudden I got hit! A Dodge Ram F150 rammed *no pun intended =p * into a Ford Explorer which caused the Explorer to hit me!

Everyone had insurance so that's a PLUS! I ended up being injured from the accident so after the police officer released me to go I drove right down the street to the nearest UMC Quick Care ... Long story short the at fault parties insurance deemed my car totalled! So I suppose the upside is I get a new car =) hopefully a cuter one LoL

It is now Aug. 1, 2010 and yup you guessed it... I'M STILL IN PAIN!!! My entire back and neck are so strained it hurts to stand for longer than 5 minutes and it hurts to sit also! NO BUENO!!! Even worse because I'm going to Cosmetology School and have to stand for loooong periods of time with little or no breaks in between my doctor advised me that I need to take a L.O.A from school to get my back and neck stronger =( Believe me I have been tossing and turning about this for over a week and last Tuesday I finally got up the strength to do it. I'm very bothered by this! Especially since I only have 7 months left! GGRRR! This accident is SOOOO very inconvenient!!!

Then to make matters even more dreadful I found out that I am being offered LOWER than the Kelly Blue Book Value!! I understand that the insurance company doesn't go by the Kelly Blue Book value and they base their estimate on the Cash Value of the vehicle in the area it resides in! *HOGWASH I SAY* but UUGGHH it's so frustrating because I'm not really getting anything Positive out of this! My back will ALWAYS hurt and will NEVER be the same =( and being a hairstylist its tough to "take it easy." Maybe something positive will come out of this later... like my sister said maybe I'll find a "gem." I certainly hope so!

All I know is; it could've been MUCH worse and I'm grateful it wasn't and all I can do is give it all up to God. After all this is all part of his master plan. I just need to have Faith and Trust in Him. So, this is my testimony ....

I GIVE IT ALL UP TO YOU LORD! WHATEVER YOUR WILL IS; THAT IS THE WAY IT WILL BE. I MAY NOT LIKE THAT I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM SCHOOL BUT I TRUST YOU LORD AND WHATEVER CAR IS THE ONE FOR ME I WILL HAVE NO DOUBTS ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU WILL LAY IT OUT IN FRONT OF ME. AND WHATEVER REASON YOU HAVE FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS I WILL BE PATIENT AND CONTINUE TO HAVE FAITH IN YOU AND KNOW THAT IT WILL BE OK. AMEN.....

Praying

Many things has happened since I last posted. My apologies... not like I have any followers who actually read my blogs anyway aside from my sisters *who happen to be my only followers LoL* so i use that as an excuse not to make it a priority =p but I'm working on it... I swear I am...

Where to begin... some minoot things have occurred... some non important people have withered out of my life which is Wonderful for me and with no reason behind it obviously I'm doing something right LoL So hate on =D and on the flip side more WONDERFUL people have entered and remained in my life! WOOT WOOT! I've switched jobs; which in itself is a blessing... so I guess I'll start there..

I was feeling very unappreciated at my old job so instead of bitching and complaining I simply did something about it and found another job =D and I LOVE IT! i get to sit down which is AMAZING on its own LOL and its fast paced and the people are hilarious and it will definitely hold me over until the next chapter of my life will begin =D ...

I will be finished with Cosmetology School in Dec/Jan which is such an accomplishment because I truly LOVE it and apparently I'm pretty good at it considering I was offered to assist under an Amazing stylist at the Beverly Hills Hotel John Martin Salon when I'm finished with school.... but I'll go into detail about that when it isn't soooo surreal to me =p I am so very grateful; I'm beside myself. but like I said I'll have a separate blog all about that in a couple of months =D

My relationship with my Manfriend is fabulous. There honestly isn't anything bad to say.... patience is our main struggle; seeing as its a long distance relationship and all. but he is absolutely amazing and I am so lucky that he's so supportive and understanding *among other things* but I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life.

But on a sadder note... some friends of mines grandfather or "Tatay" as they call him aren't doing so well and neither is their aunt. Their Tatay has undergone many open heart surgeries and his heart valves are leaking and the percentage of him coming out of another open heart surgery isn't very likely but if he doesn't have surgery he'll be in constant pain.... and their aunt has stage 3 pancreatic cancer and her tumor is malignant. Please pray for them and their families.

Also within my own family we had to lay one of the best dogs in the world to rest today. Chili Dawg was my Brother in Laws dog. He's had Chili since before we knew him. Chili was such a wonderful dog. She was so protective of my nephew and has been a part of our family. Please pray for my family... to My EastCoastLoves I LOVE YOU and Chili you will always be remembered and never forgotten. I wish I could be there with my family this really blows that money is the issue! oh and work =p EFF!! I LOVE YOU OHANA!!

He Knows....

Although I've been hurt, I choose to smile.

Although I've been lied to, I remain honest.

Although the pain cuts me so deep, I know the sun will shine in the morning because I know where I'm going......

They say the Lord only gives you as much as you can handle, and if this is what I have to go through to see brighter days then Dear Lord keep it coming, although it's not exactly what I expected.

Joel 2:25

A Blog by Pastor Joel Osteen
"He Always Gives Another Chance"
Everyone has missed opportunities in life. We can all look back and think, "Why didn't I put more effort into that relationship? Why didn't I take that job?" Or, "Why did I spend all those years running with the wrong crowd, partying, when I should have been getting ahead?" Maybe you feel like you've really missed something, but be encouraged today because God always has another season. He always gives us another chance.
It reminds me of a movie I saw a while back, "The Preacher's Kid." It's a modern day spin on the story of the prodigal. I read that it comes out on DVD soon, and what I love about this movie is that it shows that we serve a God who always gives us another chance.
It doesn't matter how you were raised or what circumstances you find yourself in, God says in Joel 2:25, "I will restore the years that have been stolen." That means God can make up years of your life. He can turn back time. You may not be able to relive your childhood, but He can make the rest of your life so rewarding and so fulfilling that it makes up for anything you may have lost.
You may feel like you've wasted years in a relationship that didn't work out, or years on a job that turned out to be a dead end, but be encouraged today because God is a restorer. Take a step of faith and believe that for every opportunity you've missed, every chance you've blown, God will make up the difference. No matter how many mistakes you've made, He's standing there with open arms ready to receive you and restore you and set you on the good path He has prepared for you!

OH BLESS HIM.... Ya Fakin PATHETICALLY HOPELESS LOST SOUL

I really hate that I had to ask my friends and family this! but considering I havent responded to ANY of his feeble attempts since July 11, 2009 he still hasn't gotten the hint. So, since that hasn't made a difference I figured letting my family know the situation couldnt hurt either.

Lord please help him move on and leave me and everyone that knows me alone. He isnt right and he needs help; no other help will do except coming from you. so please Lord Jesus help this poor soul. He needs you! just like I do =D

but FOR REAL LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE RYAN MERRITT!! FAK CATCH A CLUE YOU CRAZY SELFISH LUNATIC!!! You should pray REAL hard that my family doesnt know the entire truth of your "episodes" I've extended you as much Grace as I can and honestly I'm sick of it!!! I really wish you would get a life and leave mine alone!!!! go torture someone else!!! You are DEAD TO ME! kthxbye *sorry I have been thinking this for a VERY long time and never let it out but I'm done now =p hahahhaha*

Like my older brother asked, "can we laugh about this now?" LOL yes bradur we most definately can =D



Dear Friends and Family,

 I've tried to not have it come to this and I've continued to turn the other cheek and ignore his feeble childish ways. I wish I didnt have to ask this of you all. I've prayed and prayed that he would move on, grow up and find his own way; but unfortunately that isnt what's happening.

Without going into too much detail of the events that have occured since I broke up with Ryan and the last time I've spoken to him last July; I have a favor to ask of all of you. He is trying to contact me through people I know on facebook by sending them messages. Some have been threatening and alarming toward me and whomever else he is contacting. I have previously asked those that are closest to me that have let me know this has occured to NOT let me know because I didnt care to hear about it; he has been out of my life and that's the way its going to stay. Even though I dont believe he would do anything he's threatening to do; you never know and with the more recent messages and the inability of his family intervening I'm afraid the failed attempts and messages will cease to stop.

I, as well as a few others have already blocked him but he's finding more and more people to try to stay connected with. So, I ask that if you receive any messages threatening or non Please DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS MESSAGE and just Report his facebook account as well as blocking him. Responding will only give him the attention he is looking for. I realize that its a hassle and I apologize; but just blocking him isnt working he's continued to find more people to write. His Facebook account is under his name RYAN MERRITT and there are unfortunately a BUNCH of Ryan Merritt's on FB but just go off of the profile pic from the message.


Again I apologize for the inconvenience but I appreciate the understanding. God willing its been 9 months already and in his mind NOTHING has changed and I wish him the best but I also wish he would leave me and everyone who knows me; the hell alone!!!


Thanks guys Love you bunches!! and Thank you again for your understanding and cooperation.


Oh and ps please email me a copy of the message you recieve; I need it for the "collection" ... JUST IN CASE I NEED to take acton