2 Years and Counting Baby! WOOHOO!!!

10.17.2011

The past two years have have been such a FABulous journey; and I am so grateful that its been with You! You're such a wonderful ManFriend and I love that we continue to learn new things about each other every day. It's funny how we've gotten 'comfortable' with the distance; but are both very tired of it LoL. It still shocks me when I see people's reaction when they realize that we've been long distance the entire time =) In a way it makes me quite proud of Us when I see their reactions! Not gonna lie hahahaha

Our anniversary weekend was amazing and so full of love! Beginning with the bromance action from my 3 favorites waiting for me at the airport =p We witnessed our friends getting married; with you doin yo Emcee thaaaang and  I got serenated by you during the last dance of the night (Thank you again Sas that was so thoughtful of you <3) oh and dont forget my 'Grace' moment hahahaha We got to spend the entire day together doing what we've always talked about; running errands, being our silly selves with each other, eating deliciousness *Nordy's Cafe & El Gaucho's, laughing, making jokes, and just being with each other instead of being on the phone =) I got to spend the day with your niece, nephew and sister in law; which was so fun and it was awesome to be able to help out =) We went up north to visit my cousins and witness my new nephew come into the world. Your mom wanted to bake Food for the Gods for MEEEE!!! She's sooo sweet! I totally felt the love <3 and that dessert is YUUUMMMYYY!! Then the ticket agent offered you a pass to get through security so you could wait with me at the gate instead of having to say goodbye at security =) Like I said... a weekend full of LOVE <3<3<3 just like our relationship.

I completely felt like it was a glimpse of how it will be once we are finally together in the same city. I know you're just as anxious as I am for that day to arrive; and like our relationship we've always trusted, believed and had faith in God and His plan and we've continued to put Him first and have allowed that be the root and foundation of our relationship. Thank you for choosing to walk with me on this life journey. I look forward to everything that's to come with you mister =)  

I Love You Marcus and Happy Anniversary

the past 2 years <3

Just a Reminder...#GodIsLove

The Knot

"Its Knot Hopeless" Feb 8,2009

Attitudes can make or break relationships. Whether your are single or married, you've probably experienced damage from someone's attitude toward you - and the other way around. We often have undermining attitudes, thinking: they need to change, they need to make me happy, they should read my mind, they should never hurt me... But if we focus on changing our own attitudes, we can see our relationships improve for the better. In this message, we'll learn that "It's Knot Hopeless."


Attitudes That Strain The Knot:

Attitude #1: My Spouse needs to Change.

Romans 12:1 (The Message): ... Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

Romans 12:3 (New Living Translation): Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.

GOD CHANGE ME!

Attitude #2: My spouse should read my Mind.

Romans 12:9-10 (New Living Translation): Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Attitude #3: My spouse should make me Happy.

Romans 12:12 (New Living Translation): Rejoice in our confident hope, be patient in trouble, and keep praying.


"Tying the Knot" Feb 15, 2009

Genesis 2:18 (New Living Translation): Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

1. Tie the knot Wisely.

a. Am I dating for the Right reasons?
b. Do our Faith Values align?

2 Corinthians 6:14 (The Message): Don't become partners with those who reject God... That's not partnership; that's war.

c. Have we given it Time?

2. Tie the knot Tightly.

Genesis 2:23 (New Living Translation): "At last" the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'"

1. Am I Comparing my spouse to others?
2. Am I bringing my Best Self to our relationship?

*How do you receive Love? List 5 ways that make you feel Loved*

Genesis 2:24 (New Living Translation): This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

"Strengthening The Knot" Feb 22, 2009

Genesis 2:21-23 (New Living Translation): So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the Man's ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a women from the rib, and he brought her to the man. "At last!" the man exclaimed...


1. Remember the Good Times.
2 Check your Attitude.

Philippians 4:8-9 (New Living Translation): And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me - everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

3. Lean into your Faith.

Genesis 3:8-10 (New Living Translation): When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" He replied, "i heard you walking in the garden, so i hid. I was afraid because I was naked."


"When the Knot Unties" March 1, 2009


Matthew 19:3-6 (New Living Translation): Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?" "Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.' And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together."


Matthew 19:7-9 (New Living Translation): "then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?" they asked. Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery - unless his wife has been unfaithful."

How do you heal after the knot unties?

1. Face your Stuff.
2. Forgive regularly.
3. Take God's Hand.

Psalm 34:18 (New Living Translation): The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

How do you keep the knot from untying?

Matthew 19:10 (New Living Translation): Jesus' disciples then said to him, "If this is the case, it is better not to marry!"

1. Honor instead of disdain.

Romans 12:10 (New Living Translation): Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

2. Encourage instead of criticize.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (New Living Translation): So enourage each other and build each other up...

3.Openness instead of devensiveness. (Always blaming)

James 1:19 (New Living Translation): ... You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

4. Connection instead of withdrawal.

1 Peter 3:8 (New Living Translation): Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other...

3 Years to Yesterday

Dear Marmy,

I had a Volleyball game on Lanai and I was up till 1a making my infamous spam musubis for the team. I remember speaking to you earlier that Friday; you were in the hospital and you had just finished getting the camera down your throat so the doctors can see what was wrong with you; needless to say it was a short conversation because  wanted you to get some rest and I was supposed to call you after our game to tell you how it went... That never happened.

I remember looking at my clock right before I fell asleep because I thought to myself "ok 1am I have 3 hours to sleep before I need to wake up to get to the bus." Then I got that horrible call at 2a that has forever changed my life. My worst fear had come true and having to live it everyday is indescribable.

3 years and it feels like yesterday... yup I'm still super upset! If only you could see us now and everything we've endured and accomplished! But... I'm sure you already know all of this right?



Its strange... Last year I missed you of course and needed you to help me get  through what was a difficult thing for me to do; do something for me... just me and no one else. And I did it! I finished school through all the road blocks and now the real work begins... the reality of the fear sets in and I'm finding myself missing and needing you more then I did last year. The freshness of it all is mind blowing. What's even stranger is that through the pain, all of us have pushed on and we've turned to God to give us the strength that you would provide for us. None of us have stopped or played the victim long enough to let a huge chunk of our lives pass by. We've all carried each other through it and have the same belief; use our tragedy to help heal others. Because you raised us to be there for everyone else because we have our family to be there for us.

So, today is a reminder of what our family, your family Lives everyday; and its a day for us to be there for those who remember. <3

Missing you more than ever! I Love you always Marmy!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

Romans 12:12
Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing steadfastly in prayer

we likes to party ....

It was an Epic week to say the least! So many things happened and as the week went by the events in the days began to mesh together ... that's what happens when you meet new friends, have a great time, plenty of laughs, plenty of drinks and drop it like its hot hahahaha. Not to mention meeting a celebrity or 2 or 3 hahaha...The best part about it was creating those lasting memories that we sometimes take advantage of.

Whatever f#$% you guys my feet Still hurt and its been over a week already hahahaha obviously Great times! There wasnt a night that we didnt get home before 5am ... Just because I live in Vegas doesnt mean I party like this on the regular; in fact its just the opposite ... pretty much only when people are in town. The past year and a half has been pretty dull as far as the party scene goes.... I was too tired and busy from work and school that I frequently had to turn down the invites on kickin it. But I sure am glad i was able to finally say yes and have absolutely nothing to do but hang out with no interuptions! Last hurrah before I take off for the summer =D

Its mos def bittersweet to have met great new friends and then leave for the summer when they'll be back in vegas throughout the summer but its all good! that's what Facebook, twitter, blogging and cell phones are for hahahaha we're hella connected so there's no excuses and im glad! LOL

I will say it did feel good to let go and i did at times feel like my old carefree self which I've been trying to get back to. So WOOT WOOT LETS DO THIS HAHAHAHA You only live once and I've always been responsible; handled my shit and still celebrated life but more often then not have been labeled with the stereo type of vegas party girl (which isnt exactly a good thing) and i resented that label but fuck it ... go ahead and judge me cause 'What am i doin? oh yeah that's right i'm doing me' and i will continue to keep it pushin and if you choose to judge a book by its cover then you can kick rocks and move right past me because i dont have time for that b.s.

I'm 26 years old and am about to embark and a major milestone in my life with a very significant piece that's missing and nothing is going to knock me down from this high! We dont need no trouble... all we need is Love!

Cant wait to see everyone again! LEGGOOOO!!!

Just Ask

I've always been a pretty open book... some judge the book by its cover but its all good cause they're missin out hahaha ... Durable is my exterior and voided is my interior... I dont have time for games or bull shit so if you wanna know about me or get to know me just ask and I'll tell you. I wear my heart on my sleeve; many hearts may be soft and tender but mine has been bruised with forced resilience and constant doubt but still very open to enduring pain for everyone else so they dont have to hurt; and as I grow closer to God and my Faith I'm finding that's all I need to very slowly fill the voids in my soul.

As I complete this looong ass chapter of my life hahahaha I pray that I will be able to "feel" to the fullest extent and not be so numb and allow myself to enjoy the good things that are happening in my life and realize that even though they may be taken away from me, at least they were there at all. So, bring on the next chapter of my life Lord and Thank you for bringing in all the people; new and old into my life for love and support...

GOD IS GREAT
Jeremiah 29:11

Last Time --- 4.30.2008

Today 3 years ago was the last time I would ever see you. I look back and replay it in my mind .... my very last physical memory of you ... you took me to the airport so I could fly back to Maui... Stupid! sooo Stupid! i should have just stayed! I should have done and said so many things... and you knew there were things I needed to tell you didnt you.... That's why you gave me the book and wrote what you did inside of it didnt you? ... I know you knew because you were a mom; a Great mom!

You wanted me to grow in my faith and trust in Him because you knew that I could barely trust anyone else; even myself... so you told me that whenever there was something i wanted to tell you but couldnt to open to any page in this book and you believed that "whatever words were there in front of me, will be just the words i would need to give me strength and guide me to the next step in my life." You believed that they would be Your words; Gods' words.

I'm about to complete school and initially I enrolled because I needed to prove to myself that I could live my life; move on... without you. Through everything; both accidents, endless doctors appointments, consistant pain and headaches, drama (family related or not), working 3 different jobs throughout the length of school AND going to school while working, ridiculous work schedules, building a base clientel, and doing hair; through it all I DID IT! JUST ME & NO ONE ELSE! I'M FINISHING IT! & NO ONE CAN TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! That alone feels AMAZING!

I've Never done anything for just ME! It's always involved or been for someone else And me. Never Just for Me! Thank you for giving me the strength to endure it all and finish it! As Wonderful as this feels it does piss me off a little bit; not gonna lie. Of course, I wish you were here! I wish so so many things! but at the end of the day as much pain as I realize that I'm still in I continue to keep it pushin! Not for you anymore... for ME!

I am still very sad when I think of all the milestones in my life *as well as the rest of the family* that you're missing. I dont know how I did this without your physical, emotional, and psychological support but I did. Like I stated in my previous blog... its Crazy Beautiful because I completely believe that everything I needed from YOU during all of this I got from specific people and events that You and God placed in my life. I didnt realize how much until recently but you've been guiding me the entire time. There's a reason the last thing we did together was get our Hair done; and the career path I chose was Hair! There's a reason why Brigittes Prom was Today! and I was able to be there for her and aunty to get her ready! We all know you would have totally been there too...and you were! I couldnt have created what I did without some spiritual help! Especially because i totally just wang it! hahaha

You always told me... "Give it up to God and trust Him" ... Thank you Marmy! As sad and angry as I was this morning the events of this day has made me smile =D Thank you God! Thank you Mama! for instilling in me Grace, understanding, comfort, confidence, guidance, strength and wisdom as I continue on this journey in my life. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH

Jerimiah 29:11-13
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Crazy Beautiful --- 4.29.2008

Today, 3 Years ago you and I went to Azure Salon and Spa where your hair stylist worked and coincidently my wax lady owned the salon. So, since you wanted to treat me to a haircut I decided to get waxed while you were getting your haircut. It was a great day... a great memory... I just wish it wasnt one of our last.

I look back and it makes me smile... I think you knew there were things I didnt want to tell you because I didnt want you to worry.... and like always you knew not to push me and that I would tell you when I was ready... except this time I never got the chance. This was the last thing we evere did together... i forever regret the choices i made during this time 3 years ago.

My emotions still run high and I continue to ask myself why; then i realize the answer...The void in my soul rises up during key points in our past relationship.... sometimes its good but more often its sad and the pain STILL runs deep; and i dont like it! I continue to be dumbfounded at how fresh the pain still is...every year... everey day....

This year ... after everything I've been through just with school alone and the hurdles I've had to clear in order to get to where I am now... with less than 45 hours left till school is complete....i have so much support from the close circle and i have to continue to have faith that the love and support that i NEED could only come from you.... since that's not possible anymore because you're not here i have to believe that you have placed specific people in my life to get a little of you from each of them. So, thank you for that. Please forgive me but that doesnt change the fact that i wish i could have the real thing.

The irony of it all is that the last thing you and i did together was get our hair done and now I'm about to become a Sassy Hairstylist .... God is a Funny Man.....Crazy Beautiful

Reminisce some time, the night they took my mom
I Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living your life, after death

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the days, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you
I Love You. I Miss You. I Wish You Were Still Here.